My name is Stephanie Kate and I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

Such a difficult sentence to type, let alone say aloud, but no matter how difficult it is to admit sometimes it's the truth. Here I am, nineteen years old, and already I'm being told there is something wrong with me, mentally. 

Cue added loneliness.

Cue increased anxiety.

Cue even more self-loathing.

After attempting therapy for a few months, I decided to quit. Well aware of the fact that "people like me" often quit therapy before any progress is made, I did it anyway. I had to; it's not that it wasn't helping. No, I'm sure it was doing some good, but I was being told to change myself- to sacrifice things I don't find worth sacrificing so I would fit nicely in society's little niche for me. In all honesty, quitting therapy was liberating but since my decision to quit I've once again started to struggle with this god-awful disorder and found myself wondering what the hell to do about it.

Then it hit me; I'm not the only one with this disorder. 

There are other people like me. There are other people who wake up in the morning hating themselves and doing risky things that most people would find irrational and downright stupid. There are other people who struggle with idealizing and devaluing people they love. But unfortunately those of us that make up the BPD community are often under-represented and misunderstood, and it does us no good. Plagued by those feelings of loneliness and fear of absolute rejection, we're left with nothing but ourselves and our minds and it gets hard. 

It gets cold.

It gets dark.

It gets dangerous.

That's what motivated me to start this blog. BPD needs a voice, not a diagnostic manual to tell people what living with this is like. I don't want this to be just an outlet for me, I want it to be a comfort for other people like me. I want people with BPD to know that they're not the only one who feels the way they do and I want non-BPD's to get a real insight in to what our lives our like. 

This blog will have it's happy moments. But I'm warning you now; this will get dark. 

It will be honest.

It will be raw.

And it will probably get a little scary at times, but this is me. 

This is us.